Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
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