So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
