I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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