remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
