You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
