Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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