so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
