I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
