my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
