Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
