You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
