The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
