You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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