I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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