it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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