My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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