dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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