Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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