he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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