At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
