she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize