Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
