Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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