when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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