MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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