i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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