Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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