perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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