Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
