Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
