just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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