let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
