I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize