This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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