yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
