I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize