You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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