His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
So here I am, sexting at work.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
