I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
