how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
