How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
