so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
