Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just want to make out with him forever
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
