I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
