At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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