Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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