God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
