i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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