So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize