There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
