So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
