I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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