After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
