Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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