Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
