Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
we should paint friendship bongs
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