Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
