Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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