There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
