We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
