Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
