Who wears a wallet chain?!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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