So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
