Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
