I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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