No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize