what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
