Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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