His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
