I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
