His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
