the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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