There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
