Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
and she was petting her beer can
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
