I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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