My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Randomize
