Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
