Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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