i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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