1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
