There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
