so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
