Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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