We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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