Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
