At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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