tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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