After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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