what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
