Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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