Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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