I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
