I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
