My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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