If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
