I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
